a
*
to
decay
!
The
old
man
becomes
gradually
corrupted
;
formerly
there
were
weaknesses
and
failings,
now
the
soul
sees
a
depth
of
corruption
of
which
it
had
hitherto
been
ignorant,
for
it
could
not
imagine
what
were
its
self-esteem
and
selfishness.
O
God
!
what
horror
this
soul
suffers
in
seeing
itself
thus
decaying
!
All
troubles,
the
contempt
and
aversion
of
man,
affect
it
no
longer.
It
is
even
insensible
to
the
deprivation
of
the
Sun
of
Righteousness
;
it
knows
that
His
lig^t
does
not
penetrate
the
tomb.
But
to
feel
its
own
corruption,
that
it
cannot
endure.
What
would
it
not
rather
suffer?
But
it
must
experience,
to
the
very
depths
of
its
being,
what
it
is.
And
yet,
if
I
could
decay
without
being
seen
by
God,
I
should
be
content
:
what
troubles
me
is
the
horror
which
I
must
cause
Him
by
the
sight
of
my
corruption.
But,
poor
desolate
one!
what
canst
thou
do?
It
should
suffice
thee;,
one
would
think,
to
dear
this
corruption,
without
laving
it
:
but
now
thou
art
not
even
sure
that
thou
dost
not
desire
it
!
The
soul
is
in
darkness,
without
being
able
to
judge
whether
its
terrible
thoughts
proceed
from
itself
or
from
the
evil
one.
